Boundaries

I often get the question... how can I be unconditionally loving while still setting boundaries?

I usually respond... boundaries are integral to unconditional love. Unconditional love doesn’t mean that there are no conditions to a relationship. All relationships have negotiations, compromise and potential “deal breakers.” How people talk about, dialogue with, think about the other and treat each other... that’s where unconditional love factors in.

Unconditional love is honest. It is respectful. It honors a persons worth. It doesn’t use fear, coercion or guilt to get its way. It lets the other person know what they can expect from you and what you’re able to do or give. It communicates limits and boundaries.

One is not required to sell themselves short in order to unconditionally love someone. At the extreme, I can unconditionally love someone I no longer associate with because they were unwilling to respect my boundaries or honor my worth. The tension between self-preservation and wanting to stay attached to another is real. We are pack animals after all.

This work of assessing how much self compromise is too much in regards to relationship with another is a difficult human dilemma we all deal with at one point or another... with spouses, adult children, parents, friends, co-workers, etc. Honor that reality as you come to your own conclusions as to how these ideas work best in your life.