Pain

Tonight I saw a client that is dealing with some relationship betrayal... and he said “Sometimes I wish I didn’t give a shit. It’s only because I care so much that I feel this awful pain.”

Isn’t this the truth!

There are so many relational ironies we consistently deal with. The people that hurt us the most are most often the people closest to us. Those we love the most. Often what seems like a logical conclusion then is to stop caring. To stop being vulnerable. To stop risking heartbreak. And so we put up walls, we isolate, we wear masks, we become callous... all in the name of self-protection. The bigger kicker is that this ends up hurting us even more. Because we do poorly in every aspect of health when we are not relationally connected.

Pain is a part of ongoing relationship. I’m not saying that all/any pain should be tolerated and excused. For sure boundaries, respect and trust are necessary for healthy relationships. At the same time, all of these exist as we are willing to negotiate with, tolerate and learn from pain and discomfort.

Sometimes it is worth staying with the ones you’re with and figuring that pain out. Other times we need to part ways and find new connections... that will also bring new sources of pain. Either way.. connections matter. Pain matters. Taking smart risks with vulnerability is worth it.