“I don’t want my wife using a sex toy. It isn’t natural and replaces me.”

This kind of thinking comes from some problematic messages we currently deal with in our culture.

1. Penis shame. “My penis should be big enough, long enough, thick enough and great enough to meet all the needs of my partner.”

2. Possessive ownership of the sexuality of our partners. “I belong to you and you belong to me... (all the romantic songs say so)... therefore anything that makes me uncomfortable will not be tolerated. I will monitor and manage your sexuality.”

3. Soulmate mythology. “We must be everything to one another... therefore anything that would be considered “external” to us must be a threat.”

The reality is that sexual pleasure is inherently an individual right and does not belong to a partner. Most female bodies require more stimulation than a penis can offer to reach orgasm. Only 25% of women report having an orgasm though penile penetration alone, and not necessarily reliably. Which accounts for the huge orgasm gap we have going on right now in 2020. The female body needs more stimulation and vibrators are an excellent tool to help with that.

Men have been receiving messages that their penis needs to be “all that” since very early ages. This is part of toxic masculinity... a concept being studied on how male bodied individuals get taught by society on what it means to be “a man.” These limiting expectations can lead to emotional stunting, internalized shame, low self-esteem, and rigid roles.

Asking if a sex toy is a threat is the wrong question. The better question is how can we use a sex toy to better enhance our relationship, our mutual pleasure and our intimacy.

This isn’t a scarcity model people. The more the merrier. If in a heterosexual sexual experience we’ve got an enthusiastic penis and vulva, a vibrator, a cock ring, good quality lube, an anal plug, ... if we’re using our mouths, our tongues, our fingers and our brains... it’s bound to be a lot more fun and “successful” than the poor old penis can offer on its own. Don’t worry penis... we still love you! And hopefully this takes some of the pressure off you to be “all that.”

Heterosexual penises typically like vaginas... and can reliably orgasm from penetration alone.

Clits like stimulation... good vibrations are the name of the game for female orgasm, which has little to do with penetration.

Let’s do our part in shrinking the orgasm gap