Natasha Helfer

View Original

Worthiness

I grew up in a religious community where personal worth was correlated with sexual “purity.” We had these things called “worthiness interviews” where the bishop would ask a series of questions to decide whether or not you were “worthy”... which then had implications as to wether or not you could participate in certain church activities and rituals (like taking the sacrament). I spent many years later in my life unraveling how this kind of teaching had been internalized in my sense of self, my identity and then how I functioned in relationships. As a victim of child sexual abuse... and as a teen who sexually explored in normative ways (masturbation, premarital sex with my long term boyfriend, touching/kissing with boys I would date, etc.), I never felt “worthy.” I’m so glad I’m now in a space where I know my worth - regardless of my strengths/weaknesses/failings/successes. I mourn for the young girl who suffered unnecessarily under sex-negative framing that did nothing to empower her as a sexual agent in her own life. I feel honored and privileged to be able to be part of the journey for many who are choosing sexual healing.