We can get really caught up in ideas about how to have sex and whether or not we are doing it right, whether or not our partner likes what we are doing, how we look/act during sex, etc. This kind of thinking can lead us right into performance anxiety... not the sexiest feeling in the world... which leads to more problems instead of solutions.

We get so many messages about what “successful sex” looks like (most of which are highly unrealistic)... that it gives us very little wiggle room to show up authentically and relaxed. Most of these messages are heteronormative, penis/vagina centric, body shaming, and require orgasm at the end. There are so many more diverse and inclusive ways to enjoy sex that focus on pleasure instead of a certain type of performance or end result.

For example...

• you can have great sex with a flaccid penis,

• you can have great sex with no penis present (hooray for lesbians and some trans folks!),

• you can have great sex with only one or neither partner reaching orgasm,

• you can have great sex regardless of body hair status,

• you can have great sex regardless of age or body size,

• you can have great sex lying next to your partner touching yourself instead of engaging in some kind of penetration,

• you can have great screen time sex,

• you can have great sex that lasts a super short or long time,

• you can have great sex that involves a sex toy or other sexy materials...

• you can have great sex in a wheelchair...

you get the picture I hope.

THERE ARE LOTS OF WAYS TO HAVE GREAT SEX!

Who gets to decide if it’s great?

YOU and YOUR PARTNER do...

The more diverse ways you have to define successful sex... the more successful sex you’re going to have.